Three days in a row now I've lost my temper and yelled. I wish I didn't have to admit this, but it's the ugly truth. I feel so miserable now, that I'm finding it hard to pull myself up by my Bogs straps and move on.
Ugly, ugly altercation with J this evening - I have anticipated an argument with her about clothes at SOME POINT, but didn't really expect it at age 10! She and I are not seeing eye to eye about wearing shorts to school. I was raised believing that shorts were not appropriate school wear (even before I went to Catholic School!) JP persuaded me that times have changed and as long as they are "nice", she should be able to wear them to school. Now it appears that she and the parents have different definitions of "nice" shorts - apparently only one pair fit that category for her, and they happen to be a pair that don't make the cut for us.
SIGH.
JP makes the good point that we can't let her run the show when it comes to laying down rules. Meaning, I suppose, that at some point she will just have to follow the rules we make, no matter how antiquated she feels they are. I get that.
At the same time, it tears me up to hear her sobbing downstairs, completely mortified at the selection we have given her. I remember how it feels to wear "un-cool" clothes to school. I remember how, at the time, my parents just didn't seem to get the picture of how awful it was.
On the other hand, my parents would never have tolerated the fits she pitched tonight: the screaming and stomping and eye rolling and sighing. I won't either.
At the same time, whose example do you think she is following when she melts down and explodes into flames when she is extremely frustrated or feels taken advantage of? Right...mine. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm the one who taught her to respond to tough situations that way.
I'm feeling very...twisted.
So now I have a very, VERY good reason to start all over again tomorrow, trying to move myself and this home into a calmer, more loving place. I need to model the appropriate lady-like behavior in any situation, whether I'm wearing my "nice" shorts or not. End of discussion.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Daisy Dog
My parents little dog, Daisy, passed away this afternoon after a short illness.
She was a brave little thing, friendly and bright. It's amazing how big of a hole a small dog can leave in your life, but we will all miss seeing her sweet little face.
Maybe she's out there somewhere now, chasing deer...her favorite past time.
She was a brave little thing, friendly and bright. It's amazing how big of a hole a small dog can leave in your life, but we will all miss seeing her sweet little face.
Maybe she's out there somewhere now, chasing deer...her favorite past time.
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| Sleeping in a sun beam |
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| Snuggles with J |
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| Daisy, Grandmom and L |
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| Zach and Daisy |
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| Another tiny grave under the old oak tree |
Monday, April 8, 2013
Oops!
I made it for an entire week without yelling at my kids, although there were lots of really close moments, where I had to remind myself what I was trying to accomplish over and over again. Today, despite reminding myself, L did the exact thing that I had told her NOT to do for about the 5th time, and my entire head went up in flames. We both cried about it.
Now I just have to pick up the pieces and go on...try even harder tomorrow.
SIGH.
The rest of today went fairly well. J came home with no homework to do because of our state mandated testing looming over the school for the next week and a half. The whole thing is starting to irritate me. The school is making a HUGE deal out of the testing: they have been sending notes home for 2 weeks about getting enough sleep, eating well, getting to school on time, etc, etc during the testing. Today they had a Pep Rally, where the Principal handed out sugar packets to everyone (I still haven't figured out the significance of that!) I keep telling J not to worry to much about it, since it is really for testing the teachers and the school, not her individually. "But you told me that I'm always supposed to do my best!" she exclaimed.
"Of course. Always do your best in everything you do. Just don't lose sleep worrying about these crazy tests." I told her. I'm not sure what else to do, although this year, honestly, she seems pretty calm.
At violin and piano lessons (occurring simultaneously about 2 blocks apart) this evening, both girls were commended for excellent work by their instructors. (Warm fuzzies!)
We had a good weekend too. It was beautiful on Saturday, so I spent the entire day outside: hanging out laundry, working in the garden, cleaning out the chicken house, etc. The girls joined me later on when J was finally feeling better after her stomach virus early Friday morning. JP stayed in and worked on taxes all day. I'm pleased to announce that the taxes are in and so are the peas, greens and radishes.
After an all too brief thunder storm on Sunday evening, we saw a rainbow draped over the chicken run. It was a promise that Spring is here at last.
Now I just have to pick up the pieces and go on...try even harder tomorrow.
SIGH.
The rest of today went fairly well. J came home with no homework to do because of our state mandated testing looming over the school for the next week and a half. The whole thing is starting to irritate me. The school is making a HUGE deal out of the testing: they have been sending notes home for 2 weeks about getting enough sleep, eating well, getting to school on time, etc, etc during the testing. Today they had a Pep Rally, where the Principal handed out sugar packets to everyone (I still haven't figured out the significance of that!) I keep telling J not to worry to much about it, since it is really for testing the teachers and the school, not her individually. "But you told me that I'm always supposed to do my best!" she exclaimed.
"Of course. Always do your best in everything you do. Just don't lose sleep worrying about these crazy tests." I told her. I'm not sure what else to do, although this year, honestly, she seems pretty calm.
At violin and piano lessons (occurring simultaneously about 2 blocks apart) this evening, both girls were commended for excellent work by their instructors. (Warm fuzzies!)
We had a good weekend too. It was beautiful on Saturday, so I spent the entire day outside: hanging out laundry, working in the garden, cleaning out the chicken house, etc. The girls joined me later on when J was finally feeling better after her stomach virus early Friday morning. JP stayed in and worked on taxes all day. I'm pleased to announce that the taxes are in and so are the peas, greens and radishes.
After an all too brief thunder storm on Sunday evening, we saw a rainbow draped over the chicken run. It was a promise that Spring is here at last.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Bunk Beds
One down side to having bunk beds is that if someone would throw up in the top bunk, it would
hit
every
thing
on
the
way
down!
hit
every
thing
on
the
way
down!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Load of Bull
Actually, it was steer. The big difference, I think, is that ours had no cojones. The load in question was nearly 400 lbs of grass fed, local beef that L and I picked up at the butcher this morning...and we got only a half! After much rearranging, I was able to fit all of it into the deep freeze downstairs, but not another thing will fit at this point in time.
I now have 2 days down in my no-yelling challenge. Yesterday I didn't feel quite as good about it. I didn't technically yell, but it was close - extremely close. We had a day full of all sorts of extra errands, along with the regular ones. After arriving home later than expected, and needing to get dinner started, I was faced with children who were reluctant to do chores/homework/practicing, AND learning that one of them did something disobedient that was noted by someone else. Of course, when confronted, both girls immediately said, "It wasn't me!" That witching hour right there almost did me in. Luckily JP arrived home just in the nick of time and took over.
Have you ever told your children that whatever they may have done, they will never be punished as much for it as they will be for lying about it? JP and I have told the girls that more times than I can remember. I think maybe, just maybe, the true meaning of that hit home with the girls last night. This time, we had a method of determining exactly who was at fault in the incident. We sat both girls down and told them that the guilty party will be punished by giving their allowance to the injured party for one month. If that person does not confess guilt, they will also lose one month of TV or movie watching and computer games. That did it! The child in question whispered her confession first to JP, and then to myself. Later she took her allowance for the week to the victim and apologised.
Whew! Lesson learned.
In order to maintain a yelling-free home, I need to be more aware of my yelling triggers, one of which has always been the witching hour - that 1 or 2 hour stretch of time between school and when JP gets home from work. It's a stressful time, with plenty going on, so I need to learn to prepare myself to deal with it graciously, lovingly and QUIETLY. Lately I have been fixing myself a cup of tea during the witching hour, but frequently I never get to drink it. The solution perhaps, is to make the tea BEFORE witching hour begins. That way the caffeine and warm fuzzies can be working their magic internally while the witching goes on all around me.
It's worth a try.
I now have 2 days down in my no-yelling challenge. Yesterday I didn't feel quite as good about it. I didn't technically yell, but it was close - extremely close. We had a day full of all sorts of extra errands, along with the regular ones. After arriving home later than expected, and needing to get dinner started, I was faced with children who were reluctant to do chores/homework/practicing, AND learning that one of them did something disobedient that was noted by someone else. Of course, when confronted, both girls immediately said, "It wasn't me!" That witching hour right there almost did me in. Luckily JP arrived home just in the nick of time and took over.
Have you ever told your children that whatever they may have done, they will never be punished as much for it as they will be for lying about it? JP and I have told the girls that more times than I can remember. I think maybe, just maybe, the true meaning of that hit home with the girls last night. This time, we had a method of determining exactly who was at fault in the incident. We sat both girls down and told them that the guilty party will be punished by giving their allowance to the injured party for one month. If that person does not confess guilt, they will also lose one month of TV or movie watching and computer games. That did it! The child in question whispered her confession first to JP, and then to myself. Later she took her allowance for the week to the victim and apologised.
Whew! Lesson learned.
In order to maintain a yelling-free home, I need to be more aware of my yelling triggers, one of which has always been the witching hour - that 1 or 2 hour stretch of time between school and when JP gets home from work. It's a stressful time, with plenty going on, so I need to learn to prepare myself to deal with it graciously, lovingly and QUIETLY. Lately I have been fixing myself a cup of tea during the witching hour, but frequently I never get to drink it. The solution perhaps, is to make the tea BEFORE witching hour begins. That way the caffeine and warm fuzzies can be working their magic internally while the witching goes on all around me.
It's worth a try.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Rhinos Disturb Me!
The girls are sleeping, and I am patting myself on the back. I officially made it through one day without yelling - not once!
I have been mulling around the whole "Orange Rhino" thing all day, and the image just isn't working for me. Rhinos are kinda scarey, and although I realize that I'm probably scarey when I'm all worked up and yelling, I can't reconcile with that sort of scarey. They are also not the most feminine of images, although I'm sure I will anger many female rhinos by saying that.
The thing I picture when I lose it is my entire head going up in flames. Something like this:
Whaddya think...a Hot Mama?
I have been mulling around the whole "Orange Rhino" thing all day, and the image just isn't working for me. Rhinos are kinda scarey, and although I realize that I'm probably scarey when I'm all worked up and yelling, I can't reconcile with that sort of scarey. They are also not the most feminine of images, although I'm sure I will anger many female rhinos by saying that.
The thing I picture when I lose it is my entire head going up in flames. Something like this:
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| Fire Head, designed by COKA |
Monday, April 1, 2013
Y. A. (Yellers Anonymous)
Hello, my name is Country Girl, and I yelled at my daughter today.
Now I feel wretched, especially since I read this article in Huffington Post at the request of my husband over the weekend. It was very convicting.
I can come up with all sorts of excuses: I grew up with yelling in my home, I don't handle stress well, my daughter was being impossible, I had a bad day and this was the last straw, etc, etc. They are just excuses, however, nothing should be bad enough to make me lose control with anyone, let alone a child.
So why do I keep doing it? It's easy, I guess. I blow my top and feel better for a fleeting millisecond before the shame and guilt flood in and stay and stay and stay. It's amazing that I don't remember this terrible feeling that I have right now the next time I get to the end of my rope.
Quitting is just not that easy, as anyone who has battled an addiction could tell you - even something that is so unhealthy for everyone involved. I've tried so many times to keep my emotions under control, and it's worked...for awhile. Then another stressful day or insolent child incident can make me fall off the wagon again.
So, I'm taking the advice of this anonymous Mom, and admitting to the world that I am an "Orange Rhino". I am committing myself, again, to love more and yell less. I want so much to feel like I've done a decent job both as a person and as a parent when I go to bed at night. I want my girls to stop yelling too - something they have learned from me, I'm sure.
Who's with me?
Now I feel wretched, especially since I read this article in Huffington Post at the request of my husband over the weekend. It was very convicting.
I can come up with all sorts of excuses: I grew up with yelling in my home, I don't handle stress well, my daughter was being impossible, I had a bad day and this was the last straw, etc, etc. They are just excuses, however, nothing should be bad enough to make me lose control with anyone, let alone a child.
So why do I keep doing it? It's easy, I guess. I blow my top and feel better for a fleeting millisecond before the shame and guilt flood in and stay and stay and stay. It's amazing that I don't remember this terrible feeling that I have right now the next time I get to the end of my rope.
Quitting is just not that easy, as anyone who has battled an addiction could tell you - even something that is so unhealthy for everyone involved. I've tried so many times to keep my emotions under control, and it's worked...for awhile. Then another stressful day or insolent child incident can make me fall off the wagon again.
So, I'm taking the advice of this anonymous Mom, and admitting to the world that I am an "Orange Rhino". I am committing myself, again, to love more and yell less. I want so much to feel like I've done a decent job both as a person and as a parent when I go to bed at night. I want my girls to stop yelling too - something they have learned from me, I'm sure.
Who's with me?
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