I am embarrassed to admit that I let my temper get the best of me tonight, and even worse, I made my daughter cry.
Today has been a disappointing day all around, but after that, I wanted to crawl under a rock and not show my face again until tomorrow.
JP took a vacation day today, since he spent the biggest part of Saturday taking exams. It ends up that he spent the biggest part of today on the computer, doing charts...not much fun for either of us, or very relaxing for him.
Both of the dogs barfed on several occasions today.
J & I spent close to 2 hours at the Orthodontist today - at 2 separate appointments. We went in the morning to get the broken appliance replaced that they removed on Thursday. After assessing the situation again, they finally gave up and decided to make a new one. Thus we returned after school for another hour while they put the new one in.
My back/hip was feeling better today until I went to PT again. Now it is pretty sore again.
One of the girls did something very disappointing at school today. It was all the more disappointing because she was punished for doing the VERY SAME THING at the end of last year. I thought the punishment was fairly harsh, but apparently it wasn't harsh enough.
Right before dinner, L knocked over a bowl of garlic in the pantry, cascading papery garlic skins down over all the shelves below and onto the floor.
Both girls complained about the food at dinner.
By the time dinner was over, I was at the tipping point. Then L came skipping into the kitchen, carrying her plate and cup and proceeded to pour the water from her cup not INTO the sink, but NEXT TO the sink, and all down the cupboards and over my foot. I snarled out her name, and tossed the cup into a corner of the counter, where it shattered a drinking glass. That is when the tears began.
Not only do I feel terrible about being an awful example and a horrible Mom tonight, I've had this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach for days because I worry that I criticize the girls too much.
I recently saw a video clip on line, showing several Moms talking about the areas where they feel that they fall short as parents, and then their kids talking about how much their Moms love them and how much fun their Moms are. Is that how MY kids feel about ME? I so hope they do!
I'm so tired. I guess the best course of action right now would be to call it a day. Perhaps in the daylight tomorrow, this will all seem less tragic and overwhelming, and I can tackle the recovery process step by step. Maybe that gnawing feeling is really an ulcer from the handfuls of Ibuprofen I've been taking for the past 2 weeks? In any case, wallowing in my abysmal failures won't change anything. So, suck it up T-Dawg! Get a grip and get on with life!
Showing posts with label Hot Mama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hot Mama. Show all posts
Monday, November 4, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Blew a Gasket
My dad was using the splitter yesterday to split firewood, when it blew a gasket on the oil filter. He was sprayed all over with oil. "I'm glad I was wearing safety glasses!" he remarked.
When I blew a gasket this afternoon, safety glasses wouldn't have been sufficient. I exploded and yelled, and sent red, hot, burning lava flying across the room. A full body asbestos suit would have been more appropriate.
What could have caused this reaction, you might ask? Art.
I've mentioned before that I really like the curriculum that we have been using for the past 5 years in Cyber School, especially History, Science and Art. I haven't mentioned, however, that the girls DON'T like the Art. I really think it's put together well, and starting in Kindergarten, the girls were taught Art History, about well known artists, and about various art techniques. Some of the projects are kind of hokey, but for the most part, they seemed fairly simple, and pretty fun. For some reason, both girls developed an instant dislike to doing a project the way it was instructed, instead of doing their own thing. Most of the time, if the their technique would not distract from the lesson, I gave them some freedom. I heard complaints about the EXACT SAME projects from both girls, and for some reason, Art is the very last subject that we finish EVERY YEAR.
Sigh.
L is extremely persistent. She did NOT want to do the Art project today, which was to draw and color a building in the style of Ancient Greek Architecture, including columns, a frieze and a pediment. It isn't the most exciting of projects, I agree, but it is simple, and should be quick. After getting through the first few negative comments ("This is dumb." "This is boring." "Why do I have to?"), which were echoes from J's 1st grade year, she moved on to: "I can't draw a rectangle." "I can't draw a triangle." "I don't know how to use a ruler."
By hour number two, it morphed into: "The ruler is broken. I didn't do it." "I can't draw steps." "I can't draw columns." etc, etc, etc.
I lost it at "The ruler is broken."
Needless to say, the simple, quick Art project is edging into the third hour, which has kept us from accomplishing any thing else this afternoon. It happens frequently, and it is so, SO frustrating.
Pair that headache with the one where the On Line School crashed about 7 times today, I am ready to be DONE with Cyber School. DONE.
Now I am so angry with myself. Why do the little things FEEL so BIG? Why do those things get under my skin in such a BIG way? Why don't I have the self control of an adult, when I definitely have the problems of one? Why? Why? Why?
There seem to be no straightforward answers, and changing my fiery short temper is taking a lot of WORK. The end result will be worth it, so I resolve to be persistent, just like my youngest daughter.
When I blew a gasket this afternoon, safety glasses wouldn't have been sufficient. I exploded and yelled, and sent red, hot, burning lava flying across the room. A full body asbestos suit would have been more appropriate.
What could have caused this reaction, you might ask? Art.
I've mentioned before that I really like the curriculum that we have been using for the past 5 years in Cyber School, especially History, Science and Art. I haven't mentioned, however, that the girls DON'T like the Art. I really think it's put together well, and starting in Kindergarten, the girls were taught Art History, about well known artists, and about various art techniques. Some of the projects are kind of hokey, but for the most part, they seemed fairly simple, and pretty fun. For some reason, both girls developed an instant dislike to doing a project the way it was instructed, instead of doing their own thing. Most of the time, if the their technique would not distract from the lesson, I gave them some freedom. I heard complaints about the EXACT SAME projects from both girls, and for some reason, Art is the very last subject that we finish EVERY YEAR.
Sigh.
L is extremely persistent. She did NOT want to do the Art project today, which was to draw and color a building in the style of Ancient Greek Architecture, including columns, a frieze and a pediment. It isn't the most exciting of projects, I agree, but it is simple, and should be quick. After getting through the first few negative comments ("This is dumb." "This is boring." "Why do I have to?"), which were echoes from J's 1st grade year, she moved on to: "I can't draw a rectangle." "I can't draw a triangle." "I don't know how to use a ruler."
By hour number two, it morphed into: "The ruler is broken. I didn't do it." "I can't draw steps." "I can't draw columns." etc, etc, etc.
I lost it at "The ruler is broken."
Needless to say, the simple, quick Art project is edging into the third hour, which has kept us from accomplishing any thing else this afternoon. It happens frequently, and it is so, SO frustrating.
Pair that headache with the one where the On Line School crashed about 7 times today, I am ready to be DONE with Cyber School. DONE.
Now I am so angry with myself. Why do the little things FEEL so BIG? Why do those things get under my skin in such a BIG way? Why don't I have the self control of an adult, when I definitely have the problems of one? Why? Why? Why?
There seem to be no straightforward answers, and changing my fiery short temper is taking a lot of WORK. The end result will be worth it, so I resolve to be persistent, just like my youngest daughter.
Monday, May 6, 2013
To Lime or Not to Lime...
With my Mom's help, I FINALLY finished digging all of the sorrel out of the bottom of the garden this weekend. We essentially dug every square inch of that area (50 ft x 10 ft) with hand trowels and sorted out all of the weeds, rocks, and tenacious, spreading roots of that nasty sorrel.
JP dumped 2 tractor buckets full of mushroom manure (aged horse poo, mostly), which we then spread around that whole area. My intentions were then to spread lime, and allow JP or my Dad (they can fight over who will get that pleasure) to till it in with the roto-tiller. I went on line first, however, to get an idea of how much lime to use. That's when I saw the links with warnings not to use lime and fertilizer together. Apparently together the two can form ammonia gas. I got varying information from each site I visited. Finally, I had to ask myself...how much of what is on the Internet should I believe?
What did I do? I put the lime out there, of course. I rarely follow directions. Both the manure and the lime were dry, and the lime is pelletized for slow release, so I really don't think it's going to make too much of a difference. I promise that I will report if I did the wrong thing.
After all that, I mowed the garden paths. It looks so nice out there right now!
Garden Report: We still have beans, and more corn to plant (in a couple of weeks, so that it doesn't all get ripe at once), as well as the seedlings - tomatoes, peppers, squash and cucumbers. Peas, greens, radishes, potatoes, spinach and onions are up. The other root crops - red beets, carrots and parsnips are still not doing much. Things are coming together!
The rest of the weekend passed in a flash. L and I went on a field trip with some others from her cyber school on Friday to nearby Laurel Caverns. It was an enjoyable trip.
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| Limestone Formations at Laurel Caverns |
Someone gave JP another huge bag full of morels.
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| Fresh Morels |
We celebrated my Dad's recent birthday on Friday night with a mushroom fry (2 big platters of fried morels) and home made cherry pie.
The remainder of the morels, we dried. Hopefully we will be able to enjoy these later.
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| Dried Morels |
Saturday morning, we attended a seminar given by the Apiarist who keeps 2 hives near our garden. I had invited along a bunch of our friends with children, and a handful of them were able to make it. It was fascinating, especially when he opened up a hive and let us all take a peek.
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| J all suited up for bee watching |
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| Searching for the Queen Bee (the one with the crown) |
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| L and her friend E looking at a tray of bees with the Apiarist |
That evening, we attended a cook out at a friend's farm. L found a horse to ride off into the sunset upon.
On Sunday, we all rode our bikes in the parking lot at the Elementary school. JP and J rode their new bikes, and L graduated to J's old bike. My bike was unchanged, except for the kick-stand that JP added for me.
That evening, we had a quick and unexpected visit from one of JP's cousins. Afterward, we were finally able to collapse together on the couch and read "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
And now, it's the beginning of another week. L and I are still working on school work at 3:15 this afternoon, because we took some time off this morning to have a tea party with my grandma before she headed back home, and we planted 2 beds of corn after lunch. It is supposed to rain tonight, so we were hoping it would get watered well.
Life keeps rolling right along. Thanks to the love and emotional support of many of my friends and relatives, I made it through last week without a mental break down. There are several "extras" on the calendar this week, but I think they are do-able. I made it through the weekend, the crazy, crazy weekend, yelling only once. (I stopped myself in the middle, so I'm not even counting it.) That makes 4 days with no yelling! Hooray!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The No Yelling Thing? Not Going So Well.
I think I'm about to lose it. Seriously. Things are BAD. I'm way stressed out. I'm lonely. I don't know how much more of this INSANITY that I can take! I actually broke down about this time last week. Unfortunately, JP's method of calming me down consisted of him telling me that I should cancel some stuff, which made me feel MORE guilty. Um...which thing should I cancel? My yearly Gyne exam, L's speech therapy or swim lessons, J's after school programs x 2, taking the van to the repair shop, visits from family, mandatory work trainings...which one? I did end up cancelling a speech therapy this week...helped a lot, actually.
So, YEP, I've got a lot on my plate lately. Then just glop on top of it all the fact that the garden is not getting itself weeded or planted, much to my dismay, AND the grass is not staying mowed! Plus I am so, SO tired of homeschooling. I'm all burned out.
The no yelling thing kinda slipped to the back burner about 2 weeks ago. I do catch myself sometimes, and over all, I still think I'm yelling less frequently than before, but it's still not good.
Almost daily I'm having to deal with a moody pre-adolescent, who has very different opinions about what is or is not appropriate school attire, and who frequently "doesn't hear" the things I tell her to do. She's also attained a somewhat disrespectful attitude since starting school, which I don't appreciate in the least. That's my biggest downfall, dealing with the eldest child. I get so angry with her, and I still haven't learned to walk away and count to 10 before unleashing my full head-of-flames fury.
Perhaps this time, before I sit J down for a heart-to-heart, I need to sit myself down - do some deep breathing, and have a heart-to-heart with myself. If my number 1 priority is to have a peaceful and satisfying home life, then I need to make that start with myself. If I can exude inner peace, it should spread to those around me, sort of like the irritability oozes off of me now and infects everyone else in this house.
Yes, I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I have more obligations than I have time or energy to do them. I frequently feel that I'm failing as a Mom.
No, I don't need to make my husband and daughters feel bad too just because I lose it when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
The Orange Rhino, who has been my inspiration for this no-yelling lifestyle, keeps reminding herself to "take care of me!" It's true. When I get more sleep, exercise regularly, and take time to relax, I feel a whole lot better, and can focus more on the task of parenting peacefully. That is why I chose to stay up an extra 30 minutes tonight to blog - my OWN 30 minutes of this day - instead of head to bed. It is therapeutic. I always feel better after venting on my blog, especially since nobody ever slaps me across the face and says "stop yer whinin dammit!"
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. The van is fixed (for now), J's last after school program is tomorrow, L has only 2 more swim lessons, the Gyne thing is done for another year, and we are entering the last 4 (or 6...depends on how much I can tolerate) weeks of school.
So how about a do-over? Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm making a new commitment to not yell at my family. Hold me to it, won't you?
So, YEP, I've got a lot on my plate lately. Then just glop on top of it all the fact that the garden is not getting itself weeded or planted, much to my dismay, AND the grass is not staying mowed! Plus I am so, SO tired of homeschooling. I'm all burned out.
The no yelling thing kinda slipped to the back burner about 2 weeks ago. I do catch myself sometimes, and over all, I still think I'm yelling less frequently than before, but it's still not good.
Almost daily I'm having to deal with a moody pre-adolescent, who has very different opinions about what is or is not appropriate school attire, and who frequently "doesn't hear" the things I tell her to do. She's also attained a somewhat disrespectful attitude since starting school, which I don't appreciate in the least. That's my biggest downfall, dealing with the eldest child. I get so angry with her, and I still haven't learned to walk away and count to 10 before unleashing my full head-of-flames fury.
Perhaps this time, before I sit J down for a heart-to-heart, I need to sit myself down - do some deep breathing, and have a heart-to-heart with myself. If my number 1 priority is to have a peaceful and satisfying home life, then I need to make that start with myself. If I can exude inner peace, it should spread to those around me, sort of like the irritability oozes off of me now and infects everyone else in this house.
Yes, I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I have more obligations than I have time or energy to do them. I frequently feel that I'm failing as a Mom.
No, I don't need to make my husband and daughters feel bad too just because I lose it when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
The Orange Rhino, who has been my inspiration for this no-yelling lifestyle, keeps reminding herself to "take care of me!" It's true. When I get more sleep, exercise regularly, and take time to relax, I feel a whole lot better, and can focus more on the task of parenting peacefully. That is why I chose to stay up an extra 30 minutes tonight to blog - my OWN 30 minutes of this day - instead of head to bed. It is therapeutic. I always feel better after venting on my blog, especially since nobody ever slaps me across the face and says "stop yer whinin dammit!"
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. The van is fixed (for now), J's last after school program is tomorrow, L has only 2 more swim lessons, the Gyne thing is done for another year, and we are entering the last 4 (or 6...depends on how much I can tolerate) weeks of school.
So how about a do-over? Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm making a new commitment to not yell at my family. Hold me to it, won't you?
Monday, April 15, 2013
"Aha" Moment
What is it about Mondays? Four days in a row with no yelling, and it all went to pieces this afternoon.
I did have a moment this morning where I was talking myself down from a mighty yell. This is my one Monday morning a month that I have to work, and L was to ride with me to the office to be picked up there by my parents, so I was pushing her to get a move on. She sat on the day bed with her arms crossed and a frown on her face, and started screaming. "I don't WANT to go to your office! I HATE your office!" (Not true...she begs to go there.)
L: I'm NOT going! I WON'T get ready!
Me (calm at this point): You always ask to come to my office...here's your chance!
L: Uh-uh. I don't want to go.
Me (getting slightly irritated): There is no other option. No one else will be here. Please help me out and get ready.
L (tear sliding down her cheek): NO!
Me (counting to 10 under my breath): I don't have time for this!
Then the light bulb went on above my head. Walking away and setting the timer, counting, threatening, yelling...NONE of it was going to work. And ALL of those options were going to take time that I didn't feel like I had to spare. What she needed right then was empathy.
So, I sat down beside her, and finally was able to determine that she didn't want to go because she was embarrassed about her haircut, she thought it looked "ugly"! So I promised her that it looked very nice, it just was very different. Since she went for 7 years without bangs, the change would take some getting used to for all of us. I told her that the people who would see her loved her anyway, and no hair cut would change that.
That worked! She dried her tears, came upstairs and got dressed. This doesn't mean that she didn't take 4 or 5 breaks to play with the dogs, and she was still 15 or more minutes late starting school work.
Now if I could just figure out how to get her ready in an hour's time every morning...THAT would save a lot of frustration and near-yelling incidents too!
I did have a moment this morning where I was talking myself down from a mighty yell. This is my one Monday morning a month that I have to work, and L was to ride with me to the office to be picked up there by my parents, so I was pushing her to get a move on. She sat on the day bed with her arms crossed and a frown on her face, and started screaming. "I don't WANT to go to your office! I HATE your office!" (Not true...she begs to go there.)
L: I'm NOT going! I WON'T get ready!
Me (calm at this point): You always ask to come to my office...here's your chance!
L: Uh-uh. I don't want to go.
Me (getting slightly irritated): There is no other option. No one else will be here. Please help me out and get ready.
L (tear sliding down her cheek): NO!
Me (counting to 10 under my breath): I don't have time for this!
Then the light bulb went on above my head. Walking away and setting the timer, counting, threatening, yelling...NONE of it was going to work. And ALL of those options were going to take time that I didn't feel like I had to spare. What she needed right then was empathy.
So, I sat down beside her, and finally was able to determine that she didn't want to go because she was embarrassed about her haircut, she thought it looked "ugly"! So I promised her that it looked very nice, it just was very different. Since she went for 7 years without bangs, the change would take some getting used to for all of us. I told her that the people who would see her loved her anyway, and no hair cut would change that.
That worked! She dried her tears, came upstairs and got dressed. This doesn't mean that she didn't take 4 or 5 breaks to play with the dogs, and she was still 15 or more minutes late starting school work.
Now if I could just figure out how to get her ready in an hour's time every morning...THAT would save a lot of frustration and near-yelling incidents too!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Down the Tubes
Three days in a row now I've lost my temper and yelled. I wish I didn't have to admit this, but it's the ugly truth. I feel so miserable now, that I'm finding it hard to pull myself up by my Bogs straps and move on.
Ugly, ugly altercation with J this evening - I have anticipated an argument with her about clothes at SOME POINT, but didn't really expect it at age 10! She and I are not seeing eye to eye about wearing shorts to school. I was raised believing that shorts were not appropriate school wear (even before I went to Catholic School!) JP persuaded me that times have changed and as long as they are "nice", she should be able to wear them to school. Now it appears that she and the parents have different definitions of "nice" shorts - apparently only one pair fit that category for her, and they happen to be a pair that don't make the cut for us.
SIGH.
JP makes the good point that we can't let her run the show when it comes to laying down rules. Meaning, I suppose, that at some point she will just have to follow the rules we make, no matter how antiquated she feels they are. I get that.
At the same time, it tears me up to hear her sobbing downstairs, completely mortified at the selection we have given her. I remember how it feels to wear "un-cool" clothes to school. I remember how, at the time, my parents just didn't seem to get the picture of how awful it was.
On the other hand, my parents would never have tolerated the fits she pitched tonight: the screaming and stomping and eye rolling and sighing. I won't either.
At the same time, whose example do you think she is following when she melts down and explodes into flames when she is extremely frustrated or feels taken advantage of? Right...mine. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm the one who taught her to respond to tough situations that way.
I'm feeling very...twisted.
So now I have a very, VERY good reason to start all over again tomorrow, trying to move myself and this home into a calmer, more loving place. I need to model the appropriate lady-like behavior in any situation, whether I'm wearing my "nice" shorts or not. End of discussion.
Ugly, ugly altercation with J this evening - I have anticipated an argument with her about clothes at SOME POINT, but didn't really expect it at age 10! She and I are not seeing eye to eye about wearing shorts to school. I was raised believing that shorts were not appropriate school wear (even before I went to Catholic School!) JP persuaded me that times have changed and as long as they are "nice", she should be able to wear them to school. Now it appears that she and the parents have different definitions of "nice" shorts - apparently only one pair fit that category for her, and they happen to be a pair that don't make the cut for us.
SIGH.
JP makes the good point that we can't let her run the show when it comes to laying down rules. Meaning, I suppose, that at some point she will just have to follow the rules we make, no matter how antiquated she feels they are. I get that.
At the same time, it tears me up to hear her sobbing downstairs, completely mortified at the selection we have given her. I remember how it feels to wear "un-cool" clothes to school. I remember how, at the time, my parents just didn't seem to get the picture of how awful it was.
On the other hand, my parents would never have tolerated the fits she pitched tonight: the screaming and stomping and eye rolling and sighing. I won't either.
At the same time, whose example do you think she is following when she melts down and explodes into flames when she is extremely frustrated or feels taken advantage of? Right...mine. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm the one who taught her to respond to tough situations that way.
I'm feeling very...twisted.
So now I have a very, VERY good reason to start all over again tomorrow, trying to move myself and this home into a calmer, more loving place. I need to model the appropriate lady-like behavior in any situation, whether I'm wearing my "nice" shorts or not. End of discussion.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Oops!
I made it for an entire week without yelling at my kids, although there were lots of really close moments, where I had to remind myself what I was trying to accomplish over and over again. Today, despite reminding myself, L did the exact thing that I had told her NOT to do for about the 5th time, and my entire head went up in flames. We both cried about it.
Now I just have to pick up the pieces and go on...try even harder tomorrow.
SIGH.
The rest of today went fairly well. J came home with no homework to do because of our state mandated testing looming over the school for the next week and a half. The whole thing is starting to irritate me. The school is making a HUGE deal out of the testing: they have been sending notes home for 2 weeks about getting enough sleep, eating well, getting to school on time, etc, etc during the testing. Today they had a Pep Rally, where the Principal handed out sugar packets to everyone (I still haven't figured out the significance of that!) I keep telling J not to worry to much about it, since it is really for testing the teachers and the school, not her individually. "But you told me that I'm always supposed to do my best!" she exclaimed.
"Of course. Always do your best in everything you do. Just don't lose sleep worrying about these crazy tests." I told her. I'm not sure what else to do, although this year, honestly, she seems pretty calm.
At violin and piano lessons (occurring simultaneously about 2 blocks apart) this evening, both girls were commended for excellent work by their instructors. (Warm fuzzies!)
We had a good weekend too. It was beautiful on Saturday, so I spent the entire day outside: hanging out laundry, working in the garden, cleaning out the chicken house, etc. The girls joined me later on when J was finally feeling better after her stomach virus early Friday morning. JP stayed in and worked on taxes all day. I'm pleased to announce that the taxes are in and so are the peas, greens and radishes.
After an all too brief thunder storm on Sunday evening, we saw a rainbow draped over the chicken run. It was a promise that Spring is here at last.
Now I just have to pick up the pieces and go on...try even harder tomorrow.
SIGH.
The rest of today went fairly well. J came home with no homework to do because of our state mandated testing looming over the school for the next week and a half. The whole thing is starting to irritate me. The school is making a HUGE deal out of the testing: they have been sending notes home for 2 weeks about getting enough sleep, eating well, getting to school on time, etc, etc during the testing. Today they had a Pep Rally, where the Principal handed out sugar packets to everyone (I still haven't figured out the significance of that!) I keep telling J not to worry to much about it, since it is really for testing the teachers and the school, not her individually. "But you told me that I'm always supposed to do my best!" she exclaimed.
"Of course. Always do your best in everything you do. Just don't lose sleep worrying about these crazy tests." I told her. I'm not sure what else to do, although this year, honestly, she seems pretty calm.
At violin and piano lessons (occurring simultaneously about 2 blocks apart) this evening, both girls were commended for excellent work by their instructors. (Warm fuzzies!)
We had a good weekend too. It was beautiful on Saturday, so I spent the entire day outside: hanging out laundry, working in the garden, cleaning out the chicken house, etc. The girls joined me later on when J was finally feeling better after her stomach virus early Friday morning. JP stayed in and worked on taxes all day. I'm pleased to announce that the taxes are in and so are the peas, greens and radishes.
After an all too brief thunder storm on Sunday evening, we saw a rainbow draped over the chicken run. It was a promise that Spring is here at last.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Load of Bull
Actually, it was steer. The big difference, I think, is that ours had no cojones. The load in question was nearly 400 lbs of grass fed, local beef that L and I picked up at the butcher this morning...and we got only a half! After much rearranging, I was able to fit all of it into the deep freeze downstairs, but not another thing will fit at this point in time.
I now have 2 days down in my no-yelling challenge. Yesterday I didn't feel quite as good about it. I didn't technically yell, but it was close - extremely close. We had a day full of all sorts of extra errands, along with the regular ones. After arriving home later than expected, and needing to get dinner started, I was faced with children who were reluctant to do chores/homework/practicing, AND learning that one of them did something disobedient that was noted by someone else. Of course, when confronted, both girls immediately said, "It wasn't me!" That witching hour right there almost did me in. Luckily JP arrived home just in the nick of time and took over.
Have you ever told your children that whatever they may have done, they will never be punished as much for it as they will be for lying about it? JP and I have told the girls that more times than I can remember. I think maybe, just maybe, the true meaning of that hit home with the girls last night. This time, we had a method of determining exactly who was at fault in the incident. We sat both girls down and told them that the guilty party will be punished by giving their allowance to the injured party for one month. If that person does not confess guilt, they will also lose one month of TV or movie watching and computer games. That did it! The child in question whispered her confession first to JP, and then to myself. Later she took her allowance for the week to the victim and apologised.
Whew! Lesson learned.
In order to maintain a yelling-free home, I need to be more aware of my yelling triggers, one of which has always been the witching hour - that 1 or 2 hour stretch of time between school and when JP gets home from work. It's a stressful time, with plenty going on, so I need to learn to prepare myself to deal with it graciously, lovingly and QUIETLY. Lately I have been fixing myself a cup of tea during the witching hour, but frequently I never get to drink it. The solution perhaps, is to make the tea BEFORE witching hour begins. That way the caffeine and warm fuzzies can be working their magic internally while the witching goes on all around me.
It's worth a try.
I now have 2 days down in my no-yelling challenge. Yesterday I didn't feel quite as good about it. I didn't technically yell, but it was close - extremely close. We had a day full of all sorts of extra errands, along with the regular ones. After arriving home later than expected, and needing to get dinner started, I was faced with children who were reluctant to do chores/homework/practicing, AND learning that one of them did something disobedient that was noted by someone else. Of course, when confronted, both girls immediately said, "It wasn't me!" That witching hour right there almost did me in. Luckily JP arrived home just in the nick of time and took over.
Have you ever told your children that whatever they may have done, they will never be punished as much for it as they will be for lying about it? JP and I have told the girls that more times than I can remember. I think maybe, just maybe, the true meaning of that hit home with the girls last night. This time, we had a method of determining exactly who was at fault in the incident. We sat both girls down and told them that the guilty party will be punished by giving their allowance to the injured party for one month. If that person does not confess guilt, they will also lose one month of TV or movie watching and computer games. That did it! The child in question whispered her confession first to JP, and then to myself. Later she took her allowance for the week to the victim and apologised.
Whew! Lesson learned.
In order to maintain a yelling-free home, I need to be more aware of my yelling triggers, one of which has always been the witching hour - that 1 or 2 hour stretch of time between school and when JP gets home from work. It's a stressful time, with plenty going on, so I need to learn to prepare myself to deal with it graciously, lovingly and QUIETLY. Lately I have been fixing myself a cup of tea during the witching hour, but frequently I never get to drink it. The solution perhaps, is to make the tea BEFORE witching hour begins. That way the caffeine and warm fuzzies can be working their magic internally while the witching goes on all around me.
It's worth a try.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Rhinos Disturb Me!
The girls are sleeping, and I am patting myself on the back. I officially made it through one day without yelling - not once!
I have been mulling around the whole "Orange Rhino" thing all day, and the image just isn't working for me. Rhinos are kinda scarey, and although I realize that I'm probably scarey when I'm all worked up and yelling, I can't reconcile with that sort of scarey. They are also not the most feminine of images, although I'm sure I will anger many female rhinos by saying that.
The thing I picture when I lose it is my entire head going up in flames. Something like this:
Whaddya think...a Hot Mama?
I have been mulling around the whole "Orange Rhino" thing all day, and the image just isn't working for me. Rhinos are kinda scarey, and although I realize that I'm probably scarey when I'm all worked up and yelling, I can't reconcile with that sort of scarey. They are also not the most feminine of images, although I'm sure I will anger many female rhinos by saying that.
The thing I picture when I lose it is my entire head going up in flames. Something like this:
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| Fire Head, designed by COKA |
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