Gardening Therapy

This evening I am writing through a veil of grief.  Please forgive me if I ramble, or don't make sense, or sound just plain crazy.  Just plain crazy is part of my problem anyway, so really it is just magnified at the moment.

I wrote earlier how two friends were dealt an unfair blow at work, and were laid off....just found out this week that yet another friend fell into the same predicament.  The following day, I learned that one family was moving a year earlier than first anticipated.  This means that 2 of my dear friends will be leaving this summer, and another will be following at some point.  This also means that my daughters' buddies, and my husband's guy friends are shipping out too.

Our whole family has been incredibly lucky to be part of an amazing community of good people for many years.  We have many similar interests, a wide variety of backgrounds, and all of our kids are around the same age.  We eat together, shop together, play soccer together, have sleep-overs and birthday parties and laugh and cry together.  I've never experienced anything so special before in my life.

So, yeah, my heart is broken, and I'm finding it hard at the moment to find reasons to be happy...even for my lovely girls and husband.  I'm also extremely angry...to the point that I would really like to cause pain to the individual responsible for all this trouble.

A few months ago, I found short lived relief by chopping kindling and pretending it was the evil man's head.  This afternoon, at my friend's request, I dug several of her plants out of her flower beds:  Lavender, Roses, Sea Holly, Lillies, a Lingonberry Bush.  I really can't think of a better way to remember her...her gardens and flowers are such a big part of who she is.

Later on, I dug holes, and weeded and mulched at my home, working these previously loved plants into new homes in my flower beds and orchard.  I listened to crazy things on my iPod:  Pink, Gym Class Heroes, Sheryl Crow, Jimmy Buffet, Regina Spektor.  I sang along at the top of my voice.  I yelled.  I cried.  I acted crazy.  I think my parents may have been checking the back of the closet for the straight jacket.

Some things are too big and too bitter to swallow right away.  Right now, I'm choking.  

In the meantime, life goes on.  I just heard the live trap snap shut and confirmed that I caught the 'coon that ransacked my back porch last night.  I'll deal with him in the morning.

So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways...
...So come on and come on and raise your glass...