An Explanation

I apologize that I have not been good at posting this summer.  Partly this is because I have been busy, but partly it is because I have not been happy.  Although we have had happy stuff go on and I continue to see beautiful things every day that I am grateful for, it is hard to sugar-coat things when it is not all light and rainbows.  I normally enjoy blogging, but having to think so hard about how to make things sound like I'm not complaining all the time makes it less enjoyable, and so I have avoided it.

We have done some other fun things since vacation.  L and I went to the Fair.

The girls and I went to the zoo.

We went down south for a weekend so I could go to one of my college friend's 50th birthday party - it was a lot of fun.

The garden continues to produce.  We are now getting corn in addition to what is pictured below.  I have also been avoiding the garden at times, because what it produces best and in abundance is weeds.  An overwhelming amount of weeds.  So many weeds that when I spend 2 hours pulling them, there are STILL an amazing amount of weeds, AND when I go back in a few days, they are back where I just pulled.  It's relentless, it's discouraging, it makes me feel like a failure.

2 weeks ago, J decided to FINALLY move in to a room of her own.  We have been advising this to the girls for a couple of years, but they have been resistant.  Since J decided first, she got to choose which room she wanted, which caused regrets by L (who finally seems to be coming to terms with it.)  The past 2 weeks have been filled with sorting through mountains of stuff collected over the past 10 years.  A lot has gone in the trash, a lot has gone to Goodwill, and some has gone into storage.  This has required a lot of sorting and stashing on my part as well.  Along with cleaning, shopping, moving, and now painting (although J is doing most of that herself.)  We were able to find a desk at the local Habitat Restore for J, as well as a bed on Amazon for much less than I had hoped.  There have been arguments, there have been tears, there has been a ginormous mess, and there has been more STRESS.  It will be good, but I am still waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of this project!

My biggest issue this summer, I think, is that I try to keep everyone else happy, which isn't possible, and just makes me feel more stressed and more unhappy.  I also feel very lonely up here on the hill.  The party with my friends in VA for a couple of hours last week is the first time I have spent with anyone besides my family, or at work, or at a Board Meeting for literally months.  I feel overwhelmed with everyone's schedules and the never ending list of things that need to be done.  Everywhere I look around here is a reminder of something else that I have not managed to accomplish.

So...I guess this is a farewell, for now.  I'm sure we will stay busy.  I'm sure there will be photo worthy happenings.  I'm sure we will all be fine.  But I can't do this for the time being.  It makes me feel worse.