I have spent the morning so far alternating between raking gravel out of the grassy areas (a necessary Spring chore in the Country) and checking in on J, who is home sick.
The gravel was inadvertently moved from the driveway into the grass with snow by the plows for the past 2 months. Somehow, I think it arrived there in an easier manner than it will be removed.
At times I feel like I am fighting a losing battle with the green spaces on our Ridge. The grass I plant gets covered by gravel, or torn up by tractors, or trampled by random roving cattle (as do my flower beds.) The trees and flowers I plant get destroyed by deer, and the mulch gets dug up by the kitties, who think it makes a lovely litter box. I keep at it though, every Spring I rake and mulch and weed and trim.
I pondered as I worked, the post of my friend, who is not living the life she would have planned for herself. Not many of us are, I think, including myself.
I find myself consumed by an overwhelming restlessness lately. My days are mostly too quiet and unstructured when they used to be filled with Home School and chores. I had intended to work more hours when the girls went to school, but instead, I am working fewer. I compare my situation with a bear, just coming out of hibernation after a long winter - blinking in the sunshine, and wondering for a moment "where am I?"
The answer is, truly, I am where I want to be. Yes, I wish things were easier, and always occurred the way I'd hoped. Yes, there are daily struggles and conflicts and sometimes pain, but they get resolved. I honestly wouldn't want to be any other place - I wouldn't know what to do without the daily mundane and crazy chores, like raking gravel and de-lousing chickens. I love having my family around me, and miss the girls when they are away at school, no matter how much I complain.
So, like that bear, I have arrived at near Spring a bit thinner (not much - another losing battle) and more weary, but determined to persevere. All good things come to those who work hard.
And I have a blister on my little finger to boot.
10 months ago