Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Down the Tubes

Three days in a row now I've lost my temper and yelled.  I wish I didn't have to admit this, but it's the ugly truth.  I feel so miserable now, that I'm finding it hard to pull myself up by my Bogs straps and move on. 

Ugly, ugly altercation with J this evening - I have anticipated an argument with her about clothes at SOME POINT, but didn't really expect it at age 10!  She and I are not seeing eye to eye about wearing shorts to school.  I was raised believing that shorts were not appropriate school wear (even before I went to Catholic School!)  JP persuaded me that times have changed and as long as they are "nice", she should be able to wear them to school.  Now it appears that she and the parents have different definitions of "nice" shorts - apparently only one pair fit that category for her, and they happen to be a pair that don't make the cut for us.

SIGH.

JP makes the good point that we can't let her run the show when it comes to laying down rules.  Meaning, I suppose, that at some point she will just have to follow the rules we make, no matter how antiquated she feels they are.  I get that.

At the same time, it tears me up to hear her sobbing downstairs, completely mortified at the selection we have given her.  I remember how it feels to wear "un-cool" clothes to school.  I remember how, at the time, my parents just didn't seem to get the picture of how awful it was.

On the other hand, my parents would never have tolerated the fits she pitched tonight:  the screaming and stomping and eye rolling and sighing.  I won't either.

At the same time, whose example do you think she is following when she melts down and explodes into flames when she is extremely frustrated or feels taken advantage of?  Right...mine.  I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm the one who taught her to respond to tough situations that way.

I'm feeling very...twisted.

So now I have a very, VERY good reason to start all over again tomorrow, trying to move myself and this home into a calmer, more loving place.  I need to model the appropriate lady-like behavior in any situation, whether I'm wearing my "nice" shorts or not.  End of discussion.

2 comments:

texasonett said...

She is 10. Her hormones show her how to throw a fit. Don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself thinking that you are modeling the wrong behavior as you are forever modeling the tolerant calm behavior. Kids need to see who is boss and what is NOT going to be tolerated. They can cry all they want, but adults truly know what is best (i.e. appropriate clothing).

Country Girl said...

True, but the yelling isn't cool. A calm, collected boss will be more respected than one who flips out and yells in stressful situations. By the way, the very "un-cool" shorts that she wore to school didn't seem to affect her psyche any! :-)